Some Books I've Started
I'm starting three books this weekend: Against His-Story, Against Leviathan! by Fredy Perlman, Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde, and Girl Flesh by May Leitz. I always have at least a few books going at a time, and I usually start them somewhat arbitrarily, but I think it's significant that I'm reading these three in particular, right now. For one thing, I finished several books this week, and usually my finishing books is spaced apart more. It's not immediately obvious that these books have anything in common, but I want to try and find connections between them as I read, along with the other books I'm reading that I won't write about here.
I've been reading some anti-civilization/anarcho-primitivist theory lately. Not because I agree with it exactly, more because it speaks to things that have been coming up in therapy. So much rage against language, money, gender and sexuality, identity and its social pressures, authority in all its forms. It started last year when I stumbled upon the essay Against Written Thought by Sascha Engel, on the anarchist library. ("Stumbled upon" meaning I follow their rss feed, and read anything I see in it that stands out. I don't know if I would describe myself as an anarchist, but anarchist writings have definitely helped keep me sane over the years.)
It makes sense it would be appealing to me. By that point I'd spent months telling my new therapist about a lifetime of feeling like words are weapons, weapons that can be used freely against me but that I'm not allowed to wield, except under the most carefully proscribed conditions. It spoke to me in a way that nothing had before, and looking through the related tags led me down a rabbit hole of writings that finally put into words things that I've been trying to say for as long as I can remember. I've even tried to get my therapist to read some of it. My therapist is just the latest in a series of people I've tried to make see the world as the horrible place I've always known it to be.
Fredy Perlman's book was a major influence on primitivism, and is frequently referenced in anti-civ texts. I've actually heard about it elsewhere and in other contexts, and it's been on my reading list for a while. Now I have the additional motivation that it will provide some background for stuff by John Moore and John Zerzan, among others. I've read the first chapter and I'm making connections: have you ever tried to tell someone you hate speaking and wish you were mute? "Cadavers peering out of their mouths" indeed.
Sister Outsider is one of those books I've been meaning to read for years but haven't gotten around to it. So now I'm getting around to it. I've read selections of Audre Lorde's writing a few times, and it always makes me think I need to read more. And I've been thinking for a while that I need to read more feminist stuff anyway, because the vague feminist outlook I picked up by osmosis from years on twitter/tumblr (and even reading some queer theory) is sorely lacking.
And I'm starting another horror book, because I've almost always got one going. I just finished Serious Weakness by Porpentine Charity Heartscape. And I mean, you could sort it into the horror genre, but the word horror so is much narrower than the range of things that book can and will do to your body. Definitely worth reading if you like stories about boys doing incredibly violent things to each other, and/or if you are mentally ill and angry at the world.
Girl Flesh is the second extreme horror novel self-published by May Leitz. I read her first book, Fluids, and enjoyed it a lot, so I expect to like this one too. Her music is also really good, and I've been watching her youtube channel for years. The premise is good, and the first chapter has the line "I love to have someone else to take care of when I can't even take care of myself," which is painfully relatable. Good stuff.
In other news, I've been listening to podcasts for the first time in a few months. I follow too many podcasts, now I have so much listening to do if I want to catch up. I'll probably skip through most of the episodes. When things are bad, I usually keep reading, but I stop doing almost everything else, so I hope this is a sign that things are going to be better for now.